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Thursday, December 20, 2012

A duck walks into a bar. He hops up on ...

A duck walks into a bar. He hops up on a stool and asks a bartender "got any grapes?". The bartender replies "no, this is a bar. We don't have grapes here". The duck leaves. The next day he comes in to the same bar, hops up on the same stool and says "got any grapes?" the bartender angrily replies "NO! we don't have any grapes. I told you yesterday that this is a bar, now if you ask me one more time I'm gonna nail your feet to the floor". The duck leaves. The next day the duck returns and hops up on the same stool. The duck asks "got any nails?" The bartender, puzzled says "no, why?" the duck replies "got any grapes?"

 

Thursday, December 6, 2012

A pirate walks into a bar and the barte...

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey pirate, do you know you've got a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?" The pirate says "Arrrh, I know, it's drivin me nuts"

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

What did the cow say to the masked rob...

What did the cow say to the masked robber? Moo.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Why did the chicken cross the road

Why did the chicken cross the road? To fuck your mother

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Hello Zombie

Hello Zombie

Saturday, November 24, 2012

People keep telling me ...


Insulting...

You insult me? I can handle it. You insult my best friend? You die!

Sunday, November 18, 2012

To be old and wise you must...

To be old and wise you must first have to be young and stupid

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Tel her, she won`t wait forever

If you like her, tell her because she won`t wait forever

Why do so many math majors confuse Hall...

Why do so many math majors confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 is Dec 25

Friday, November 16, 2012

No little asian, don`t eat them raw

No little asian, don`t eat them raw

Sunday, November 11, 2012

An den da wolf sed ...

an den da wolf sed "can I boops yoor nose, Red Riding Hood?" Dat wuz when i sent him to da murgency room

Saturday, November 10, 2012

A little girl asked her Mom...

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

"What's that mean?" asked the child.

"Go ask your father", answered the mother, "I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block."

The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"

The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Disturb my human in his sleep?

Disturb my human in his sleep?

Monday, November 5, 2012

OMG - A Butterfly

OMG - A Butterfly

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Why did the stoplight turn red? You wo...

Why did the stoplight turn red? You would too, if you had to change in front of all those people.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Engineer Fact

Engineer Fact

Friday, November 2, 2012

5 Fingers 5 Meanings

5 Fingers 5 Meanings

The dog went missing?

The dog went missing?

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Definition of study

Definition of study

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Roses are red ...

Roses are red Violets are blue Poems are hard So am I

Monday, October 29, 2012

Go home, copy machine you are drunk

Go home, copy machine. You are drunk

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Chicken Lifestyle

Chicken Lifestyle

Saturday, October 27, 2012

What do you get when you cross a shelt...

What do you get when you cross a sheltie and a cantaloupe? A melon collie.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

And this is why women live longer than men

And this is why women live longer than men

Monday, October 22, 2012

Why didn't the leopard go on vacation?...

Why didn't the leopard go on vacation? It couldn't find the right spot.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Hey, I just met you. And this is crazy. But here`s my ...

Hey, I just met you. And this is crazy. But here`s my wine glass. So fill it maybe?

Friday, October 19, 2012

Cat`s diary vs. Dog`s diary

Cat`s diary vs. Dog`s diary

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Pear - Disappear

Pear  Disappear

Monday, October 15, 2012

I swear my brain is 70% song lyrics

I Swear my brain is 70% song lyrics

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Leave the kitchen they said | Funny Image

Leave the kitchen they said. A great idea they said

Thursday, October 11, 2012

A deer, a skunk, and a duck went to th...

A deer, a skunk, and a duck went to the grocery store. When they were readyto check out, the deer didn't have a buck, the skunk didn't have a scent,so they put it all on the duck's bill.

 

Thursday, October 4, 2012

The 7 habits of man & woman

The 7 habits of man & woman

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Calories

calories (noun) tiny creatures that live in your closer and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Pole a...

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Pole are in town for the Olympics, but they don't have tickets. The Englishman suggests a plan: "See that pile of construction material over there? We can take something from there and pretend to be an athlete, and they'll let us in."

The Englishman takes a long pole and carries it to the stadium gate. He tells the ticket taker, "Robertson, England, Pole Vaulting," and he is allowed in.


The Frenchman picks up a hammer and goes to the gate, saying "Danton, France, Hammer Toss." He too is let in.


The Pole grabs a roll of chain-link fence. At the gate, he says, "Koslowski, Poland, Fencing."

Friday, September 28, 2012

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Destroy racism

Destroy racism be like a panda

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Older Brother: "Hooray! School's out! ...

Older Brother: "Hooray! School's out! I'm free! I'm free!" Younger Brother: "So what? I'm four!"

Monday, September 17, 2012

I`m not saying you`re a cunt ...

I`m not saying you`re a cunt But your face does have a sideways labia on it

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Paradise - NO EXIT!

Paradise 12 km No Exit

Saturday, September 15, 2012

A best friend

A best friend is someone who will hide all of your sex toys if you suddenly die

Friday, September 14, 2012

One day...

Fuck this shit. One day I`ll have an amazing life.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Why did the kid punch the bed? His mot...

Why did the kid punch the bed? His mother told him to hit the hay.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

The Policeman's Ball

A woman in a hurry to get her daughter to school on time was pulled over for speeding.

The mom smiled at her daughter and said "Don't worry dear! I can get out of this ticket."

The cop approached the car and he asked "Mam do you know why I pulled you over?" With a big smile she replied "Sure you are selling tickets to the policeman's ball."

He then said, "Mam, I am a State Trooper, we don't have balls." 

Monday, September 10, 2012

Grenade love

Grenade love

Sunday, September 9, 2012

It can`t be true

THERE IS NO SANTA

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Nope, no milks | Funny Cats Image

Nope. No milks. Dey gots waters. U wants a water?

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

The Dark Knight Descends

The Dark Knight Descends

Monday, September 3, 2012

How they really made the periodic table

How they really made the periodic table

Sunday, September 2, 2012

FIrst time I... | Love Quote

FIrst time I...

Why buy the ... | Funny quote

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free

What's Mary short for? She's got no le...

What's Mary short for? She's got no legs.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Finish Him!!!

Finish Him

Thursday, August 30, 2012

I don`t have a type... | True Quote

I don`t have a type If I like you, I like you.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Troll student


Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Do you realize what she is doing? | Funny Image


Monday, August 27, 2012

I`ll beat a motherfucker...

I`ll beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker

Sunday, August 26, 2012

What did the lightbulb say to its moth...

What did the lightbulb say to its mother? I wuv you watts and watts.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Parents | True Quote


Friday, August 24, 2012

Granny`s prescription

With Granny`s new glaucoma prescription there was finally peace in the house.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Anything you say can and will be held against you | Funny


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Batman style beard

Batman style beard

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Roses are red & My screen is blue


Sunday, August 19, 2012

A guy walks into a bar with his pet mon...

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey is running wild. The monkey jumps up on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender is livid and says to the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"


"No. What did that stupid monkey do this time?" says the patron.


"Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the pool table, whole" says the bartender.


"Yeah, well I hope it kills him because he's been driving me nuts" says the patron.


The guy finishes his drink and leaves.


Two weeks later he comes back with the monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running wild around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds some peanuts on the bar. He grabs one, sticks it up his butt, then pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.


"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.


"What now?" responds the patron. "Well, he stuck a peanut up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it" says the bartender.


"Well, what do you expect?" replied the patron. "Ever since he ate that darn cue ball he measures everything first!"


 

Friday, August 17, 2012

One Free Wish | Funny Image


Tuesday, August 14, 2012

The real mouse

The real mouse (mousepad not included)